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Guidelines for Talking With Children About School Violence and Violence Against Children

Images of violence in schools are part of our children's experiences. Information about children who have been exploited by adults, even those they trust, appear in our newspapers. They are discussed on school buses and elsewhere. We must provide opportunities for children to discuss their feelings, to express our feelings and to reassure children.

Encourage Children to Talk

Encourage children to discuss what they know and to express their feelings and reactions. It is important to validate their feelings and not to minimize their concerns. As you think appropriate, correct misinformation or provide relevant information without providing graphic details. Limit viewing of television coverage of violent events. Sights and sounds can be very powerful and distressing and may remain with children after words have faded.

Remind children that these high-profile situations are not normal day-to-day occurrences. Schools remain safe places for children. Allow children to have a role in establishing and implementing safety plans. Encourage children to seek adult assistance if they are concerned about safety.

Encourage children to talk to adults if they know of someone's plan to hurt himself or herself or someone else. Teach children that seeking assistance with these situations is not tattling. It is responsible telling which may protect themselves and others.

Take Concerns Seriously

Children tell us that bullying and teasing are common problems in schools. Encourage them to seek adult assistance for these situations. Take their concerns seriously and help them resolve the situations. Not being taken seriously or being told to solve it themselves teaches children not to count on adults. If you help a child, follow up to see if the problem has been resolved successfully. If it has not been, a child is not likely to return to an adult for more help.

While catastrophic violence in school can be frightening to children, it has remained distant from our districts. Close to home, however, we have had numerous reports of children abused by people they know. When they hear of these instances, children may feel worried and vulnerable.

Be Honest

Understandably, adults may be reluctant to raise these topics. But it is important to discuss them with children. Children who are concerned with safety issues are not free to learn and play. Find out what children have heard. Answer their questions, correct misinformation if appropriate. Above all, be honest.

Reassure children that most adults want to help children and keep them safe. Review with children concepts of good touches and bad touches and what they can do if they or someone they know is in a frightening, dangerous or abusive situation. You may choose to talk with children of different ages separately so you can adjust the discussion to each child's level of understanding.

Contact Us For More Information

For more information please contact Barbara Bernstein, Director of Education and Training, at 914-345-0700, extension 311 or e-mail at BernsteB@mhawestchester.org or call our Information and Referral Service at 914-345-5900, extension 240, or send e-mail to help@mhawestchester.org.

For more information on resources for Positive Parenting see our "Links to Explore Elsewhere on the Web" at the end of our Positive Parenting home page.

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